newsletter #008: contraceptive reactivity

On leaving each other well alone

It has been a minute since I wrote a “newsletter,” and I think my subscriber count has effectively tripled, so I figured now might be a great time to grace your inbox with thoughts that are even more random than my usual ones.

For newer subscribers, what I include in these 3-point lighter newsletters are some first-draft thoughts (yes, truly, first draft so please have mercy), songs that are on repeat in my earbuds, and what I’m reading these days.

| From the Typewriter |

Contraceptive Reactivity

I reposted an older piece of mine on the use of the term “contraceptive mentality” in conversations about NFP this week, after a modified version of it was published elsewhere. These thoughts are a bit of an addendum to that piece, so read it if you’re interested.

The comments on the new publication elsewhere were really telling—comments indicating a deeply-held belief that NFP is immoral, whether because it’s a “denial” of the gift of children, or because it requires one spouse to deny sex to the other (because a couple could not possibly agree to mutually abstain, no sir). With some of these perspectives, I don’t really know where to begin. I feel saddened and a bit disturbed.

I don’t talk about NFP much, because the few times I have, I get roasted alive—whether online or in person. It’s also not something I’ve had much practice in, having been married for only 4 years. I am grateful for natural family planning, the gift it is to my body and my marriage, but I also feel like we miss each other a lot as Catholics on this topic. We talk about it a good deal, but we rarely do it effectively.

In sum, the piece I’m referring to focused on the term “the contraceptive mentality,” and why the warning of it coloring a couple’s use of NFP is a bit of a misnomer. Essentially, contraception and abstaining through NFP are inherently different acts. Abstinence can be used for selfish reasons, but it’s not contraception. Warning of a “contraceptive mentality” in NFP feeds the line of thought that charting is just another form of birth control, which is a truly impoverished and inaccurate view. There were definitely some issues with this in the comments, despite the fact that, again, they are fundamentally different things.

But those comments got me thinking again in a vein I’ve visited before: we didn’t really think, let alone talk to each other about family planning in this dogmatic, invasive sort of way before contraception was widely available. Pope Pius XI’s Casti Connubii was the first to address the use of artificial contraception, laying the groundwork for Paul VI’s clarity in Humanae Vitae. Natural family planning, though methods became formalized throughout the 20th century, existed before artificial contraception, and before the Church sanctioned its use as an alternative to contraception. Discussion of the morality of periodic abstinence dates back centuries, with Augustine and Aquinas even both chiming in. Though different voices through those centuries fell on either side of this argument, the point is that while periodic abstinence for the sake of family planning has always (somewhat?) existed and was a conversation, it was not a big one—until now. Now, it feels like conversation about NFP, what constitutes a “grave reason,” and our worry about other people’s reasons is incessant.

Some might argue that it has to be, because we live in a society where artificial contraception is the norm and widely available. Sure. But the Church has held her ground on that and stayed clear, and again, we’re talking about NFP, not contraception. Our invasiveness into each other's lives, and even our extremism about family planning and number of children, feels more like a modern reactivity to contraception’s existence than a return to tradition. The Church’s fundamental issue with contraception is not that it might produce “less children” than an undefinable number, but rather that it ruptures the procreative and unitive nature of sex.

We did not spend near as much time debating about this back when periodic abstinence existed and was privately used. Until we had reason to believe that people *might* be *potentially* using artificial birth control, we had nothing to equate periodic abstinence to, and we didn’t feel the need to constantly discuss what might be a “grave enough reason.” It seems to me that, before artificial contraception was the norm, we left each other alone on this—a novel concept, truly. It’s also worth mentioning that we’re regularly comparing birth rates with historical periods when child mortality rates were significantly higher, meaning that though a woman might have 7 children, an average of 5 of them would survive into adulthood. While birth rates need to be a concern, using them without qualifications can cause a lot of unneeded comparison and harm.

Again, these thoughts are an addendum. It’s just worth clocking where our judgements are based on a widespread reactivity, rather than logic. Two things can yield similar results—i.e., less children—and be incredibly different in nature.

| From the Jukebox |

Catholic Lofi

I am behind on the lofi train, but

Matt Fradd

’s Catholic Lofi channel popped up in my “daylist” on Spotify, and I’ve been hooked ever since. I needed something to keep me focused and calm during work, and the songs are beautiful and reflective. Call me basic, but it’s what’s on repeat.

| From the Bookshelf |

Hannah Coulter by Wendell Berry

Wendell Berry is a master of poetic simplicity. Jayber Crow is in my top favorite books of all time, and Hannah Coulter had similar tones. There’s something incredibly moving about the portrait of a person’s whole life, especially recalled through their own memory and voice, as Hannah Coulter is.

The Long Loneliness by Dorothy Day

I am also late on the Dorothy Day train. Though I was very familiar with her work, I read through her autobiography for the first time recently. I found a new saintly companion in Dorothy Day—one who understood my choleric heart, desire to know the truth, and the messiness of human life. If you haven’t had the pleasure of meeting her yet through her story, do yourself a favor.