In religious circles, there’s this incorrect idea that men are sexual beings, women are not. So I think part of the opposition to hearing women struggle with sexual sin too stems from that incorrect preconceived notion. Cognitive dissonance is hard. Thank you for the work you are doing.
Excellent article! Having worked in the management level of the Roman Rite Catholic Church, I understand how this article could be, perhaps, "too honest" for them to publish. Remember that all businesses and publications associated with and around the Catholic Church form an "industry" of sorts so businesses and publications tend to protect the "brand" -- shall we say. Hopefully they paid you for your work, but, alas, that may be a hope too far.
Nonetheless, thank you for sharing this. It is brilliantly written and addresses many related issues that are critical to comprehend in the overall fight against sexual sins.
Having been a layman, married for 47 years so far, having raised five daughters, and only recently ordained a priest into a conservative extra-Roman Rite, my own personal experiences over those years taught me a great, grear deal.
Those of us who are "older" need to both support the young people in their struggles, but also where appropriate within the family unit, be the ones to demonstrate unconditional love for the women in our lives. Let them know that they are valued, loved, and indeed cherished for exactly who they are at any age and stage of growth into adulthood and even senior adulthood! I'm enjoying that role with my young granddaughters right now.
Truly, I sense that lack of being "cherished" by family members (or the psychological inability to accept it due to attachment disorders) tends to swing the door more widely open to the exploration of "virtual" affirmation from strangers, the most potent and mendacious of which is pornography.
Sorry for such a lengthy comment. Kudos to you for your dedicated work.
Peace and Blessings to you and your family for a healthy, holy, and happy New Year!
Fathers, you must receive your daughter’s story as a loving father, and hold it alongside her."
This is absolutely right to me and I learned something here. I deeply admire this really spiritual piece of writing. I aspire to be this brave and mature.
However, may I add:
Society tells men: we will pornify your daughter, and your job is to accept it. NO. I do not accept it. We need to fight. We cannot take a man’s daughter down this hell-hole, and tell him his job is to “receive” and “hold” it. His job is to stop these people. Before they get his granddaughter too. This is such a great essay. I admire the author.
Internet pornography is terrorism. We abandoned our sons and daughters for 20 years. Disastrous court rulings, fear, shame and propaganda have got us here. Why do so many Ignore the heartbreak this has caused ? To avoid being "judgmental" or "shaming". It makes me furious.
I think I can provide some insight as to why men might struggle with what you are saying about sexual sin and women.
Let's start with "sexual addiction". First of all, most married men are going to scoff at the notion that most women struggle with sex addiction, because most women are not having sex with their husbands at anywhere near the rate that the husbands want to have sex with their wives. In fact, I think most men fall into porn use because of their burning desire for their wives that goes largely unfulfilled. If my wife is a sex addict, why does she turn me down all the time? Why doesn't she seek out the easiest outlet for sex....me? Does this female sexual addiction you speak of only affect single women? This needs to be clarified, otherwise you are going to get pushback. If my wife told me she was a sex addict, I would flat out call her a liar. If she was a sex addict, i'd presumably be getting a lot more attention in the bedroom. Maybe what you mean by "sex addict" doesn't actually have anything to do with just sex?
Now let's talk about porn. The reason us men might doubt the porn addict part, is that most of us men do have experience with modern porn and we can tell you that 99.5% of porn is mysoginistic and abusive towards women. Again, presumably if a woman was obsessed with porn, she would manifest that obsession in her relationships. Again, if my wife told me she was addicted to porn, I wouldn't believe her, because she doesn't ask me to do any of the stuff you see in porn. Quite the opposite, in fact. I think this is the experience of a large majority if husbands.
I think your article is great. I am a Christian man who believes that we should help women who struggle with these things. It is the statistics I have a hard time with.
Unless......
what you mean by the words "sex" and "porn" have radically different meanings to women than they do men. That's the only framing that I can see that would make sense if your article was read in the way you wanted it to be read.
I’m not the author, but I’m a therapist and I work with Christian women. I will let you know that yes- this is far more a struggle of single women. But there’s plenty of them out there and they count too!!
Second, yes, I agreed that women are far more likely to seek out “softer” images. My understanding is that there’s plenty of choice out there. Women choose differently than men.
In religious circles, there’s this incorrect idea that men are sexual beings, women are not. So I think part of the opposition to hearing women struggle with sexual sin too stems from that incorrect preconceived notion. Cognitive dissonance is hard. Thank you for the work you are doing.
Excellent article! Having worked in the management level of the Roman Rite Catholic Church, I understand how this article could be, perhaps, "too honest" for them to publish. Remember that all businesses and publications associated with and around the Catholic Church form an "industry" of sorts so businesses and publications tend to protect the "brand" -- shall we say. Hopefully they paid you for your work, but, alas, that may be a hope too far.
Nonetheless, thank you for sharing this. It is brilliantly written and addresses many related issues that are critical to comprehend in the overall fight against sexual sins.
Having been a layman, married for 47 years so far, having raised five daughters, and only recently ordained a priest into a conservative extra-Roman Rite, my own personal experiences over those years taught me a great, grear deal.
Those of us who are "older" need to both support the young people in their struggles, but also where appropriate within the family unit, be the ones to demonstrate unconditional love for the women in our lives. Let them know that they are valued, loved, and indeed cherished for exactly who they are at any age and stage of growth into adulthood and even senior adulthood! I'm enjoying that role with my young granddaughters right now.
Truly, I sense that lack of being "cherished" by family members (or the psychological inability to accept it due to attachment disorders) tends to swing the door more widely open to the exploration of "virtual" affirmation from strangers, the most potent and mendacious of which is pornography.
Sorry for such a lengthy comment. Kudos to you for your dedicated work.
Peace and Blessings to you and your family for a healthy, holy, and happy New Year!
✨️🕊🙏🎉🤸✨️
Thank you, Father! Congratulations on your ordination to the priesthood.
Thank you for those words Fr.
I have long thought that the 'romance novels' which many women read are the most popular and untalked about form of pornography for women.
Fathers, you must receive your daughter’s story as a loving father, and hold it alongside her."
This is absolutely right to me and I learned something here. I deeply admire this really spiritual piece of writing. I aspire to be this brave and mature.
However, may I add:
Society tells men: we will pornify your daughter, and your job is to accept it. NO. I do not accept it. We need to fight. We cannot take a man’s daughter down this hell-hole, and tell him his job is to “receive” and “hold” it. His job is to stop these people. Before they get his granddaughter too. This is such a great essay. I admire the author.
Do we want our sons and daughters to go through what we did? Parents need political and legal muscle.
Internet pornography is terrorism. We abandoned our sons and daughters for 20 years. Disastrous court rulings, fear, shame and propaganda have got us here. Why do so many Ignore the heartbreak this has caused ? To avoid being "judgmental" or "shaming". It makes me furious.
What did the editors not like?
Why are we asking parents and teens to carry this unbearable load? It is monstrous. This really affected me. What a state out society is in.
I think I can provide some insight as to why men might struggle with what you are saying about sexual sin and women.
Let's start with "sexual addiction". First of all, most married men are going to scoff at the notion that most women struggle with sex addiction, because most women are not having sex with their husbands at anywhere near the rate that the husbands want to have sex with their wives. In fact, I think most men fall into porn use because of their burning desire for their wives that goes largely unfulfilled. If my wife is a sex addict, why does she turn me down all the time? Why doesn't she seek out the easiest outlet for sex....me? Does this female sexual addiction you speak of only affect single women? This needs to be clarified, otherwise you are going to get pushback. If my wife told me she was a sex addict, I would flat out call her a liar. If she was a sex addict, i'd presumably be getting a lot more attention in the bedroom. Maybe what you mean by "sex addict" doesn't actually have anything to do with just sex?
Now let's talk about porn. The reason us men might doubt the porn addict part, is that most of us men do have experience with modern porn and we can tell you that 99.5% of porn is mysoginistic and abusive towards women. Again, presumably if a woman was obsessed with porn, she would manifest that obsession in her relationships. Again, if my wife told me she was addicted to porn, I wouldn't believe her, because she doesn't ask me to do any of the stuff you see in porn. Quite the opposite, in fact. I think this is the experience of a large majority if husbands.
I think your article is great. I am a Christian man who believes that we should help women who struggle with these things. It is the statistics I have a hard time with.
Unless......
what you mean by the words "sex" and "porn" have radically different meanings to women than they do men. That's the only framing that I can see that would make sense if your article was read in the way you wanted it to be read.
I’m not the author, but I’m a therapist and I work with Christian women. I will let you know that yes- this is far more a struggle of single women. But there’s plenty of them out there and they count too!!
Second, yes, I agreed that women are far more likely to seek out “softer” images. My understanding is that there’s plenty of choice out there. Women choose differently than men.