Although I have had my issues with the content Matt Fradd has put out in recent years, I will always remember attending a talk he gave where a sex worker stood up in the middle to interrupt him and shout him down - saying how she didn't agree with his anti-porn stance and that she was happy with the choices she had made. Her bravado was a thin disguise of course, but Matt treated her incredibly kindly and patiently, ultimately saying "I think at this moment I respect you much more than you respect yourself. I think you're worth more than this." and THAT to me is the right response, the only response - affirming of humanity dignity, again and again, not shame or judgement.
I think this is a wonderful response. I also would say that the implication is still that the behavior is shameful. He just says it in a way that is centering the person rather than their behavior, and appealing to their higher nature. I think people like Matt Walsh go at it in a more straightforward manner—call a spade a spade. We need that, too. We need people who are not afraid to say that we feel shame for a reason and that it’s a necessary component of change. That doesn’t mean we have to stay there or feel bad forever. To be honest, I don’t really think these approaches are at odds with each other. The compassionate approach and the straightforward approach are both necessary and will speak to different people at different places in their journey. We need the more frank, abrasive approach to call out a problem; those with the gift of compassionate encouragement can help the ones who are willing to change out of their unhealthy patterns.
The way Matt Walsh communicates about this issue does not come across to me as merely straightforward, but as aggression. He is not just stating a fact. He is attacking persons. With some glee. This does not come from a pure place.
I agree with Rachael that it will damage rather than be helpful.
Great article, Rachael. I wonder why Walsh (or anyone) seems more intent on shaming the soccer moms performing on OF rather than the soccer dads spending their money on it?
Yep, that was one of my main concerns as well. He does say at one point in the article that men should also be held responsible, but it felt pale compared to the strong language elsewhere.
For the same reason so many men are intent on speaking about women who don't sleep with them as whores and sluts: a deep hatred. This article wasn't and shouldn't be about Walsh as a person. But honestly, the way so many men speak specifically about OF models and women they *think* to be OF models, or women they *accuse* of being OF models comes from a place of deep hatred of women, specifically of women who do things they don't find feminine or womanly or becoming of women.
OF is not good for women at all. But a good litmus test of a man is how he speaks about women who are ""undesireable"" and especially in reference to the men who "use" those ""undesireable"" women.
This seems like an unfair assessment. Given everything I know about Walsh (and I've followed him for more than a decade), I would wager he thinks the men and the women engaging in porn, both its production and its consumption, deserve equal shame.
I’d argue the men consuming it, spending their dollars and time and energy on it deserve more shame than the women who feel it’s a necessary means of living because it pays more than anything else. And the reason it pays more? The gross men who fund it.
The reality of the situation is that only a very small number of these women actually make a lot of money from selling sex. I'm working from memory, but a year or two ago, I think the average amount earned by onlyfans women was a little over $100/mo. That's hardly a living. A minimum wage fast food job pays that in a single day. Pretending that people actually think this is a necessary means to make a living, rather than that they fall for the propaganda that they can get rich quick selling their body, is not doing anyone any favors.
I'm not here to quibble over who deserves more guilt and shame. Both parties, the men and the women, are engaging in this stuff willingly. Both parties have also been lied to by a sex-obsessed society and told repeatedly that this is a fine thing to do. The men are told that it's natural, and the women are told that it's empowering. It's also obvious to anyone who does their due diligence to inform their conscience of right and wrong that this stuff is no good. That, again, applies to both the men and the women.
Perhaps arguments could be made that one side deserves more shame than the other, but I think the main idea is that both sexes deserve shame or their engagement with pornography, and quite a lot of it.
"… women who feel it's a necessary means of living because it pays more than anything else."
Yes, men are the primary funders of OnlyFans and its ilk, but note that "necessary means of living" and "pays more than anything else" are essentially contradictory in concept. Implying th
Matt Walsh literally takes the same position against coomers, what are you on about? I wonder if you would feel the level of compassion for rapists, child abusers and the like. These porn stars aren’t victims.
Porn is a remarkably infertile pastime, leading to a total of 0 pregnancies, and in addition has a tendency to lower potency or desire in real-life interactions...
He said “ women like this have ruined their chances to have a good husband “. He lost me there. The whole POINT of Christianity is redemption. That we are ALL sinners. There is never someone too far gone. Women and men alike can have lived a terribly sinful life and still turn it around. And here’s a hard one for some people to swallow - she is no less loved. I pray for her every time she comes up online.
Perhaps you should look at reality for what it is, rather than how you would like it to be. No good Christian man would marry a woman who, jf you look her up, has videos of her performing sex acts for men or on men for money. Just because someone is redeem doesn’t mean you have love them romantically.
A woman is entitled to feel the same about a man. Would you marry a redeemed man who has raped several children?
And of course, you wouldn’t. As a woman, you have your limitation. Likewise, men have their limitations. You may not like it, but it’s not for you to like. It’s for men to choose.
Being snarky I see. Typical for those make excuses for those who corrupt. I’m not making a comparison or providing an analogy, I’m asking a direct question to see where the limitations of your “understanding” lie.
In the Middle Ages, the church was very active with projects trying to help women out of prostitution. One way was to open institutions called "Magdalene Houses" where those who wished could come to be rehabilitated, learn some (non-sexual) trade; and priests would preach to the men with the means to support a family to do a good deed and save a woman from degradation by marrying one of the Magdalenes....
Some men did that, as an act of charity.
So yes, a truly good Christian man, looking at women with the same eyes as Jesus did, certainly would.
That is a part of reality too.
People had higher standards in more Christian ages.
On the contrary no they would not. If a woman is reformed and has repented that is a different story. And the women in those homes desire transformation and salvation. No Christian man in their right mind would court a prostitute.
Obviously such is impossible if the lady is still involved in the business, that would be unacceptable. But saying it’s impossible for a redeemed Christian to get married because of past infidelity seems beyond harsh.
I have to admit I didn’t know about only fans, DW or any of the particulars (my medieval living under a rock mentality!) but your piece, Rachael, is so true of so many of the behaviors we see so commonly in our society.
No one who knows the worth of their soul, or the price paid for it, would engage in such behaviors. It only ever comes from being deeply wounded and a lack of interior peace.
There is a beautiful story from a long time ago - (I hope I get the details correct, mea culpa if not)
A nun in Italy was drawn into an affair with a local man. She eventually left the convent to be with him, he eventually deserted her but she had become completely addicted to sensual pleasures and lust. After a significant period of time, she realized her mistake and gravity of actions so she snuck back into the convent, donned her habit and went to speak with the Mother Superior.
She couldn’t understand why her fellow nuns were treating her so kindly and with such reverence and respect; she wept and Mother Mary appeared to her and revealed that in the time the sister had been gone, she had taken her place so no one would know of her actions or how far she had fallen. This nun went on to become a saint and Our Lady never shamed her daughter.
This is not to say that shame doesn’t have its place etc etc but the story has always stayed with me. God Bless and Mary keep you, for your work Rachael.
That is what Christianity is. The sin is its own punishment. We should not go around trying to volunteer for a position as God's bloodhounds. He doesn't need that kind of "help".
It is worth reflecting on what people who wish to use shame as a weapon against their fellow human beings, really think, not just about women, but about God. What do they think he is?
Wow. That article is…something. I will only say this -
“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.”
Rachael Killackey, marvelous article, thank you! This is truly an awful dark nest of filth that so much of our USA culture in 2025, has embraced. Much of my own Substack is about my stupid adventures of youth in the Sexual Revolution. In other words, TERRIBLE sex, broken hearts, fouled bodies and souls. Matt Walsh is a brave man and confronts a lot of nonsense...but I also agree that shame is not a good solution. From my own sorrowful and visceral experiences from age 18 to 28, with many many sexual partners, the sex was lousy and robbed me of my heart and spirit and to some degree, I am, even a 72, still rebuilding. I never formally married, did not have children (aborted my two in 1973). For however many years I have left, I will speak to the broken-ness in all of us. For me, sex is vastly over-rated and sold as a commodity for both men and women. I prefer celibacy...cool and calm and the fellowship with God and His Son, far exceeds my adventures with the flesh. I do not suggest this for others, it just is a balm to my soul. Also, SELF WORTH is a huge gap for so many of us, self included. That is the remaining journey I am on, until I go Home. Bless you, Wendy
Shame doesn't work. It only adds to the pain, which only serves to exacerbate the desire for relief. I usually like Walsh's opinions, but he missed the mark on this one. The behaviors are bad, yes. The people are not. They're broken, just like the rest of us. We need to be instruments of healing in their lives, in the ways God calls us to do this work, whether up close or from afar.
Shame does work. It keeps vice at bay. The reason only fans exists is because we no longer shame. In the old days, you had to go to the brothel, in secret. Now prostitutes flaunt their depraved acts for us all to see.
Wonderful article. I recently saw someone share an opinion that we need to return to a “shame based” society and I got instantly nauseated at the idea.
Walsh often has good ideas (we need to get rid of porn, certainly…it is a cancer), but where he often falls flat is his continual lack of mercy and grace.
1. I don't think shame works either...at least, not the shame that looks like is being advocated here, and certainly not in the direction he's advocating (towards women only).
2. https://nordicmodelnow.org/what-is-the-nordic-model/ I wish more people understood this model as a means of opposing the sex 'trade' and simultaneously trying to uphold women's dignity. Women on OF are responding to a demand, and it's no use just berating the women because they are the ones with their faces on the screen without berating those who create the demand. I find the push to punish women for being part of any sex 'trade' without wanting to at least simultaneously punish the men a very similar scenario to how in certain religious circles it's only ever the woman who has to publicly confess and bear the shame of the group if she gets pregnant out of wedlock. The women always bear the public brunt of the shame and the men fade into the background.
3. “The duty of every man is to uphold the dignity of every woman.” - JPII said this, and I think of it wistfully every time I see a commenter speak badly of women who have made bad choices. Matt Walsh says some right things, but is so swept up in the online-provocateur schtick that he forgets the dignity of those he rails against. Not all the time, but enough times for me not to particularly like his work. I love the story Katie related in another comment about Matt Fradd's response.
What a sad but great article. One quote that really stood out to me.
"Her brokenness should move us to mercy, pity and prayer, not judgment and satirical jabs."
I couldn't agree more, people caught up in that line of work are already selling their dignity for material wealth. They don't need anyone else taking away what little they have left.
Beautifully and thoughtfully written. It's also a good reminder for me to change my view, as too often I also blame women like that for taking the easy road, and profiting from men's weakness. Because I never entered that world, I somehow think turning to men in my youth to fill the void of insecurity is somehow different. I am a big Walsh fan, as I enjoy his sarcasm and strength of character, but you are spot on. I think women and men will always be divided on an issue such as this, because we are on polar opposites of the issue. That's ok, and to me, it's just a consequence of the original division in the Garden. Hopefully, some compromise can be reached with grace and humility, but it won't truly be solved until Christ returns.
This is refreshing. Grateful that we have a God who sees us in our brokenness and sin and moves towards us in love. He calls us out of darkness and into his light, not by shaming us and beating us down, but by offering himself. His mercy, and grace. He shows us that there is something better for us; that we were created for more. He upholds our dignity, when we ourselves do not.
I bet much agree with your rebuttal piece. I don't know what to think of Matt Walsh, but I will say this: I remember as a kid a made for TV show, and after school special, that focused on an unwed teen in the school. The show was extremely sympathetic to the teen and showcased how intolerant everyone was. It made her the sympathetic victim and essentially destigmatized the whole idea of getting pregnant while you're a sophomore in high school. I didn't think about it at the time of course but a few years later, when my own daughter was in school and I was hearing about all the people she knew that were pregnant I remembered that movie and wondered if that hadn't been a mistake of some sort. So, I think Matt Walsh has something of a point in that the loss of shame or the loss of stigma open the door to behaviors that may not have become so commonplace. However I don't think after the fact shaming and stigmatizing will shut that door. The long-term solution is exactly what you say which is to help people remember they have dignity, and should be treated like the children of God that they are.
This was an excellent read, thank you! The problem with Matt Walsh is that while he’s right on the merits of his position in most cases, he goes about it by arguing in the most toxic, unloving and counterproductive way possible.
This makes people dig in even deeper out of a sense of feeling attacked and needing to stand up for themselves. So they’re painted into a corner: if they agree with him, they lose.
It’s like a hostage negotiation: you’ll never get the bad guy to put down his weapon if you keep telling him what a stupid mistake he’s making and what a horrible person he is. You have to convince him that it is genuinely in his best interest to walk away, and allow him to save face.
There has to be a way to show people in these circumstances that we care for them, where they actually believe it. They need to know we really care about them as people and we’re not just out to “win the argument” and make them look stupid.
As you suggested, Jesus is the best example of this: He doesn’t shame people for their life choices and their sin. He talks to them, gently, in a way that makes them feel like He’s a safe person who is seen and known. Then they can say: “Lord, have mercy on me, a sinner.”
In other words, nobody will ever be shamed into the kingdom.
I wasn’t able to read Walsh’s article behind the paywall but based on this response - the lack of focus to the MEN paying for this is unbelievable. If anything, that should be the focus. I agree that shame isn’t the right approach, but why did his focus seem to be shaming the women, who are in some ways victims, and not the men participating? Crazy and strikes me very much as a “boys will be boys” mentality
I actually posted a note about this this morning. I had concerns about the lack in his piece as well, but upon more reflection, I just have a hard time with the men vs. women thing on this, partly because I work with women in recovery from sexual addiction (and yes, they consume content on OF too). Additionally, there are plenty of men who are victimized by the porn industry as well. It just feels like too big of a beast to gender, if that makes sense.
But, I agree with you, a lot of the "boys will be boys" mentality absolutely exists in these discussions. Both producing and consuming are heinous acts against the dignity of the person, but both can be influenced by trauma. There's a need for healing on all grounds.
Yes! Very good point, men trapped in sex/porn addiction are victims too. We need to remember as women to have mercy and speak of THEIR (men’s’) dignity and “redeemability” too. Both sexes’ behavior on OF is shameful but every person involved is just that, a person.
Although I have had my issues with the content Matt Fradd has put out in recent years, I will always remember attending a talk he gave where a sex worker stood up in the middle to interrupt him and shout him down - saying how she didn't agree with his anti-porn stance and that she was happy with the choices she had made. Her bravado was a thin disguise of course, but Matt treated her incredibly kindly and patiently, ultimately saying "I think at this moment I respect you much more than you respect yourself. I think you're worth more than this." and THAT to me is the right response, the only response - affirming of humanity dignity, again and again, not shame or judgement.
Matt does an excellent job with this, agreed. That's an exemplary response!
I think this is a wonderful response. I also would say that the implication is still that the behavior is shameful. He just says it in a way that is centering the person rather than their behavior, and appealing to their higher nature. I think people like Matt Walsh go at it in a more straightforward manner—call a spade a spade. We need that, too. We need people who are not afraid to say that we feel shame for a reason and that it’s a necessary component of change. That doesn’t mean we have to stay there or feel bad forever. To be honest, I don’t really think these approaches are at odds with each other. The compassionate approach and the straightforward approach are both necessary and will speak to different people at different places in their journey. We need the more frank, abrasive approach to call out a problem; those with the gift of compassionate encouragement can help the ones who are willing to change out of their unhealthy patterns.
The way Matt Walsh communicates about this issue does not come across to me as merely straightforward, but as aggression. He is not just stating a fact. He is attacking persons. With some glee. This does not come from a pure place.
I agree with Rachael that it will damage rather than be helpful.
Great article, Rachael. I wonder why Walsh (or anyone) seems more intent on shaming the soccer moms performing on OF rather than the soccer dads spending their money on it?
Yep, that was one of my main concerns as well. He does say at one point in the article that men should also be held responsible, but it felt pale compared to the strong language elsewhere.
For the same reason so many men are intent on speaking about women who don't sleep with them as whores and sluts: a deep hatred. This article wasn't and shouldn't be about Walsh as a person. But honestly, the way so many men speak specifically about OF models and women they *think* to be OF models, or women they *accuse* of being OF models comes from a place of deep hatred of women, specifically of women who do things they don't find feminine or womanly or becoming of women.
OF is not good for women at all. But a good litmus test of a man is how he speaks about women who are ""undesireable"" and especially in reference to the men who "use" those ""undesireable"" women.
This seems like an unfair assessment. Given everything I know about Walsh (and I've followed him for more than a decade), I would wager he thinks the men and the women engaging in porn, both its production and its consumption, deserve equal shame.
I’d argue the men consuming it, spending their dollars and time and energy on it deserve more shame than the women who feel it’s a necessary means of living because it pays more than anything else. And the reason it pays more? The gross men who fund it.
The reality of the situation is that only a very small number of these women actually make a lot of money from selling sex. I'm working from memory, but a year or two ago, I think the average amount earned by onlyfans women was a little over $100/mo. That's hardly a living. A minimum wage fast food job pays that in a single day. Pretending that people actually think this is a necessary means to make a living, rather than that they fall for the propaganda that they can get rich quick selling their body, is not doing anyone any favors.
I'm not here to quibble over who deserves more guilt and shame. Both parties, the men and the women, are engaging in this stuff willingly. Both parties have also been lied to by a sex-obsessed society and told repeatedly that this is a fine thing to do. The men are told that it's natural, and the women are told that it's empowering. It's also obvious to anyone who does their due diligence to inform their conscience of right and wrong that this stuff is no good. That, again, applies to both the men and the women.
Perhaps arguments could be made that one side deserves more shame than the other, but I think the main idea is that both sexes deserve shame or their engagement with pornography, and quite a lot of it.
The difference is those men who do it are shamed by other men. Only women call it stunning and brave and empowering.
"… women who feel it's a necessary means of living because it pays more than anything else."
Yes, men are the primary funders of OnlyFans and its ilk, but note that "necessary means of living" and "pays more than anything else" are essentially contradictory in concept. Implying th
You obviously don't listen to Walsh's show. He does in fact shame men who watch pornography because it is a disgusting, pathetic and shameful vice.
Matt Walsh literally takes the same position against coomers, what are you on about? I wonder if you would feel the level of compassion for rapists, child abusers and the like. These porn stars aren’t victims.
GREAT observation. Thank you for sharing!
When men stop looking at (near-)naked women, the human species goes extinct with that generation.
Porn is a remarkably infertile pastime, leading to a total of 0 pregnancies, and in addition has a tendency to lower potency or desire in real-life interactions...
He said “ women like this have ruined their chances to have a good husband “. He lost me there. The whole POINT of Christianity is redemption. That we are ALL sinners. There is never someone too far gone. Women and men alike can have lived a terribly sinful life and still turn it around. And here’s a hard one for some people to swallow - she is no less loved. I pray for her every time she comes up online.
Perhaps you should look at reality for what it is, rather than how you would like it to be. No good Christian man would marry a woman who, jf you look her up, has videos of her performing sex acts for men or on men for money. Just because someone is redeem doesn’t mean you have love them romantically.
A woman is entitled to feel the same about a man. Would you marry a redeemed man who has raped several children?
This is not the same as rape and I know you think you’re being clever, but this ain’t it
And of course, you wouldn’t. As a woman, you have your limitation. Likewise, men have their limitations. You may not like it, but it’s not for you to like. It’s for men to choose.
Oh buddy you are so lost
Lol, Walsh and I are stating an objective fact on how things actually are, you just don’t like it
Being snarky I see. Typical for those make excuses for those who corrupt. I’m not making a comparison or providing an analogy, I’m asking a direct question to see where the limitations of your “understanding” lie.
In the Middle Ages, the church was very active with projects trying to help women out of prostitution. One way was to open institutions called "Magdalene Houses" where those who wished could come to be rehabilitated, learn some (non-sexual) trade; and priests would preach to the men with the means to support a family to do a good deed and save a woman from degradation by marrying one of the Magdalenes....
Some men did that, as an act of charity.
So yes, a truly good Christian man, looking at women with the same eyes as Jesus did, certainly would.
That is a part of reality too.
People had higher standards in more Christian ages.
On the contrary no they would not. If a woman is reformed and has repented that is a different story. And the women in those homes desire transformation and salvation. No Christian man in their right mind would court a prostitute.
Obviously such is impossible if the lady is still involved in the business, that would be unacceptable. But saying it’s impossible for a redeemed Christian to get married because of past infidelity seems beyond harsh.
I have to admit I didn’t know about only fans, DW or any of the particulars (my medieval living under a rock mentality!) but your piece, Rachael, is so true of so many of the behaviors we see so commonly in our society.
No one who knows the worth of their soul, or the price paid for it, would engage in such behaviors. It only ever comes from being deeply wounded and a lack of interior peace.
There is a beautiful story from a long time ago - (I hope I get the details correct, mea culpa if not)
A nun in Italy was drawn into an affair with a local man. She eventually left the convent to be with him, he eventually deserted her but she had become completely addicted to sensual pleasures and lust. After a significant period of time, she realized her mistake and gravity of actions so she snuck back into the convent, donned her habit and went to speak with the Mother Superior.
She couldn’t understand why her fellow nuns were treating her so kindly and with such reverence and respect; she wept and Mother Mary appeared to her and revealed that in the time the sister had been gone, she had taken her place so no one would know of her actions or how far she had fallen. This nun went on to become a saint and Our Lady never shamed her daughter.
This is not to say that shame doesn’t have its place etc etc but the story has always stayed with me. God Bless and Mary keep you, for your work Rachael.
That is what Christianity is. The sin is its own punishment. We should not go around trying to volunteer for a position as God's bloodhounds. He doesn't need that kind of "help".
It is worth reflecting on what people who wish to use shame as a weapon against their fellow human beings, really think, not just about women, but about God. What do they think he is?
Wow. That article is…something. I will only say this -
“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.”
Amen.
Rachael Killackey, marvelous article, thank you! This is truly an awful dark nest of filth that so much of our USA culture in 2025, has embraced. Much of my own Substack is about my stupid adventures of youth in the Sexual Revolution. In other words, TERRIBLE sex, broken hearts, fouled bodies and souls. Matt Walsh is a brave man and confronts a lot of nonsense...but I also agree that shame is not a good solution. From my own sorrowful and visceral experiences from age 18 to 28, with many many sexual partners, the sex was lousy and robbed me of my heart and spirit and to some degree, I am, even a 72, still rebuilding. I never formally married, did not have children (aborted my two in 1973). For however many years I have left, I will speak to the broken-ness in all of us. For me, sex is vastly over-rated and sold as a commodity for both men and women. I prefer celibacy...cool and calm and the fellowship with God and His Son, far exceeds my adventures with the flesh. I do not suggest this for others, it just is a balm to my soul. Also, SELF WORTH is a huge gap for so many of us, self included. That is the remaining journey I am on, until I go Home. Bless you, Wendy
Shame doesn't work. It only adds to the pain, which only serves to exacerbate the desire for relief. I usually like Walsh's opinions, but he missed the mark on this one. The behaviors are bad, yes. The people are not. They're broken, just like the rest of us. We need to be instruments of healing in their lives, in the ways God calls us to do this work, whether up close or from afar.
Shame does work. It keeps vice at bay. The reason only fans exists is because we no longer shame. In the old days, you had to go to the brothel, in secret. Now prostitutes flaunt their depraved acts for us all to see.
Wonderful article. I recently saw someone share an opinion that we need to return to a “shame based” society and I got instantly nauseated at the idea.
Walsh often has good ideas (we need to get rid of porn, certainly…it is a cancer), but where he often falls flat is his continual lack of mercy and grace.
I’ve seen that idea floating around too… immediate no from me
Three thoughts...
1. I don't think shame works either...at least, not the shame that looks like is being advocated here, and certainly not in the direction he's advocating (towards women only).
2. https://nordicmodelnow.org/what-is-the-nordic-model/ I wish more people understood this model as a means of opposing the sex 'trade' and simultaneously trying to uphold women's dignity. Women on OF are responding to a demand, and it's no use just berating the women because they are the ones with their faces on the screen without berating those who create the demand. I find the push to punish women for being part of any sex 'trade' without wanting to at least simultaneously punish the men a very similar scenario to how in certain religious circles it's only ever the woman who has to publicly confess and bear the shame of the group if she gets pregnant out of wedlock. The women always bear the public brunt of the shame and the men fade into the background.
3. “The duty of every man is to uphold the dignity of every woman.” - JPII said this, and I think of it wistfully every time I see a commenter speak badly of women who have made bad choices. Matt Walsh says some right things, but is so swept up in the online-provocateur schtick that he forgets the dignity of those he rails against. Not all the time, but enough times for me not to particularly like his work. I love the story Katie related in another comment about Matt Fradd's response.
What a sad but great article. One quote that really stood out to me.
"Her brokenness should move us to mercy, pity and prayer, not judgment and satirical jabs."
I couldn't agree more, people caught up in that line of work are already selling their dignity for material wealth. They don't need anyone else taking away what little they have left.
Beautifully and thoughtfully written. It's also a good reminder for me to change my view, as too often I also blame women like that for taking the easy road, and profiting from men's weakness. Because I never entered that world, I somehow think turning to men in my youth to fill the void of insecurity is somehow different. I am a big Walsh fan, as I enjoy his sarcasm and strength of character, but you are spot on. I think women and men will always be divided on an issue such as this, because we are on polar opposites of the issue. That's ok, and to me, it's just a consequence of the original division in the Garden. Hopefully, some compromise can be reached with grace and humility, but it won't truly be solved until Christ returns.
This is refreshing. Grateful that we have a God who sees us in our brokenness and sin and moves towards us in love. He calls us out of darkness and into his light, not by shaming us and beating us down, but by offering himself. His mercy, and grace. He shows us that there is something better for us; that we were created for more. He upholds our dignity, when we ourselves do not.
I bet much agree with your rebuttal piece. I don't know what to think of Matt Walsh, but I will say this: I remember as a kid a made for TV show, and after school special, that focused on an unwed teen in the school. The show was extremely sympathetic to the teen and showcased how intolerant everyone was. It made her the sympathetic victim and essentially destigmatized the whole idea of getting pregnant while you're a sophomore in high school. I didn't think about it at the time of course but a few years later, when my own daughter was in school and I was hearing about all the people she knew that were pregnant I remembered that movie and wondered if that hadn't been a mistake of some sort. So, I think Matt Walsh has something of a point in that the loss of shame or the loss of stigma open the door to behaviors that may not have become so commonplace. However I don't think after the fact shaming and stigmatizing will shut that door. The long-term solution is exactly what you say which is to help people remember they have dignity, and should be treated like the children of God that they are.
This was an excellent read, thank you! The problem with Matt Walsh is that while he’s right on the merits of his position in most cases, he goes about it by arguing in the most toxic, unloving and counterproductive way possible.
This makes people dig in even deeper out of a sense of feeling attacked and needing to stand up for themselves. So they’re painted into a corner: if they agree with him, they lose.
It’s like a hostage negotiation: you’ll never get the bad guy to put down his weapon if you keep telling him what a stupid mistake he’s making and what a horrible person he is. You have to convince him that it is genuinely in his best interest to walk away, and allow him to save face.
There has to be a way to show people in these circumstances that we care for them, where they actually believe it. They need to know we really care about them as people and we’re not just out to “win the argument” and make them look stupid.
As you suggested, Jesus is the best example of this: He doesn’t shame people for their life choices and their sin. He talks to them, gently, in a way that makes them feel like He’s a safe person who is seen and known. Then they can say: “Lord, have mercy on me, a sinner.”
In other words, nobody will ever be shamed into the kingdom.
I appreciate you arguing for this point!
I wasn’t able to read Walsh’s article behind the paywall but based on this response - the lack of focus to the MEN paying for this is unbelievable. If anything, that should be the focus. I agree that shame isn’t the right approach, but why did his focus seem to be shaming the women, who are in some ways victims, and not the men participating? Crazy and strikes me very much as a “boys will be boys” mentality
I actually posted a note about this this morning. I had concerns about the lack in his piece as well, but upon more reflection, I just have a hard time with the men vs. women thing on this, partly because I work with women in recovery from sexual addiction (and yes, they consume content on OF too). Additionally, there are plenty of men who are victimized by the porn industry as well. It just feels like too big of a beast to gender, if that makes sense.
But, I agree with you, a lot of the "boys will be boys" mentality absolutely exists in these discussions. Both producing and consuming are heinous acts against the dignity of the person, but both can be influenced by trauma. There's a need for healing on all grounds.
What a great point. Thank you for sharing
Thanks for reading!
Yes! Very good point, men trapped in sex/porn addiction are victims too. We need to remember as women to have mercy and speak of THEIR (men’s’) dignity and “redeemability” too. Both sexes’ behavior on OF is shameful but every person involved is just that, a person.