Although I have had my issues with the content Matt Fradd has put out in recent years, I will always remember attending a talk he gave where a sex worker stood up in the middle to interrupt him and shout him down - saying how she didn't agree with his anti-porn stance and that she was happy with the choices she had made. Her bravado was a thin disguise of course, but Matt treated her incredibly kindly and patiently, ultimately saying "I think at this moment I respect you much more than you respect yourself. I think you're worth more than this." and THAT to me is the right response, the only response - affirming of humanity dignity, again and again, not shame or judgement.
Great article, Rachael. I wonder why Walsh (or anyone) seems more intent on shaming the soccer moms performing on OF rather than the soccer dads spending their money on it?
Yep, that was one of my main concerns as well. He does say at one point in the article that men should also be held responsible, but it felt pale compared to the strong language elsewhere.
For the same reason so many men are intent on speaking about women who don't sleep with them as whores and sluts: a deep hatred. This article wasn't and shouldn't be about Walsh as a person. But honestly, the way so many men speak specifically about OF models and women they *think* to be OF models, or women they *accuse* of being OF models comes from a place of deep hatred of women, specifically of women who do things they don't find feminine or womanly or becoming of women.
OF is not good for women at all. But a good litmus test of a man is how he speaks about women who are ""undesireable"" and especially in reference to the men who "use" those ""undesireable"" women.
This seems like an unfair assessment. Given everything I know about Walsh (and I've followed him for more than a decade), I would wager he thinks the men and the women engaging in porn, both its production and its consumption, deserve equal shame.
I’d argue the men consuming it, spending their dollars and time and energy on it deserve more shame than the women who feel it’s a necessary means of living because it pays more than anything else. And the reason it pays more? The gross men who fund it.
"… women who feel it's a necessary means of living because it pays more than anything else."
Yes, men are the primary funders of OnlyFans and its ilk, but note that "necessary means of living" and "pays more than anything else" are essentially contradictory in concept. Implying th
The reality of the situation is that only a very small number of these women actually make a lot of money from selling sex. I'm working from memory, but a year or two ago, I think the average amount earned by onlyfans women was a little over $100/mo. That's hardly a living. A minimum wage fast food job pays that in a single day. Pretending that people actually think this is a necessary means to make a living, rather than that they fall for the propaganda that they can get rich quick selling their body, is not doing anyone any favors.
I'm not here to quibble over who deserves more guilt and shame. Both parties, the men and the women, are engaging in this stuff willingly. Both parties have also been lied to by a sex-obsessed society and told repeatedly that this is a fine thing to do. The men are told that it's natural, and the women are told that it's empowering. It's also obvious to anyone who does their due diligence to inform their conscience of right and wrong that this stuff is no good. That, again, applies to both the men and the women.
Perhaps arguments could be made that one side deserves more shame than the other, but I think the main idea is that both sexes deserve shame or their engagement with pornography, and quite a lot of it.
I have to admit I didn’t know about only fans, DW or any of the particulars (my medieval living under a rock mentality!) but your piece, Rachael, is so true of so many of the behaviors we see so commonly in our society.
No one who knows the worth of their soul, or the price paid for it, would engage in such behaviors. It only ever comes from being deeply wounded and a lack of interior peace.
There is a beautiful story from a long time ago - (I hope I get the details correct, mea culpa if not)
A nun in Italy was drawn into an affair with a local man. She eventually left the convent to be with him, he eventually deserted her but she had become completely addicted to sensual pleasures and lust. After a significant period of time, she realized her mistake and gravity of actions so she snuck back into the convent, donned her habit and went to speak with the Mother Superior.
She couldn’t understand why her fellow nuns were treating her so kindly and with such reverence and respect; she wept and Mother Mary appeared to her and revealed that in the time the sister had been gone, she had taken her place so no one would know of her actions or how far she had fallen. This nun went on to become a saint and Our Lady never shamed her daughter.
This is not to say that shame doesn’t have its place etc etc but the story has always stayed with me. God Bless and Mary keep you, for your work Rachael.
He said “ women like this have ruined their chances to have a good husband “. He lost me there. The whole POINT of Christianity is redemption. That we are ALL sinners. There is never someone too far gone. Women and men alike can have lived a terribly sinful life and still turn it around. And here’s a hard one for some people to swallow - she is no less loved. I pray for her every time she comes up online.
Wow. That article is…something. I will only say this -
“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.”
Wonderful article. I recently saw someone share an opinion that we need to return to a “shame based” society and I got instantly nauseated at the idea.
Walsh often has good ideas (we need to get rid of porn, certainly…it is a cancer), but where he often falls flat is his continual lack of mercy and grace.
Shame doesn't work. It only adds to the pain, which only serves to exacerbate the desire for relief. I usually like Walsh's opinions, but he missed the mark on this one. The behaviors are bad, yes. The people are not. They're broken, just like the rest of us. We need to be instruments of healing in their lives, in the ways God calls us to do this work, whether up close or from afar.
Rachael Killackey, marvelous article, thank you! This is truly an awful dark nest of filth that so much of our USA culture in 2025, has embraced. Much of my own Substack is about my stupid adventures of youth in the Sexual Revolution. In other words, TERRIBLE sex, broken hearts, fouled bodies and souls. Matt Walsh is a brave man and confronts a lot of nonsense...but I also agree that shame is not a good solution. From my own sorrowful and visceral experiences from age 18 to 28, with many many sexual partners, the sex was lousy and robbed me of my heart and spirit and to some degree, I am, even a 72, still rebuilding. I never formally married, did not have children (aborted my two in 1973). For however many years I have left, I will speak to the broken-ness in all of us. For me, sex is vastly over-rated and sold as a commodity for both men and women. I prefer celibacy...cool and calm and the fellowship with God and His Son, far exceeds my adventures with the flesh. I do not suggest this for others, it just is a balm to my soul. Also, SELF WORTH is a huge gap for so many of us, self included. That is the remaining journey I am on, until I go Home. Bless you, Wendy
What a sad but great article. One quote that really stood out to me.
"Her brokenness should move us to mercy, pity and prayer, not judgment and satirical jabs."
I couldn't agree more, people caught up in that line of work are already selling their dignity for material wealth. They don't need anyone else taking away what little they have left.
1. I don't think shame works either...at least, not the shame that looks like is being advocated here, and certainly not in the direction he's advocating (towards women only).
2. https://nordicmodelnow.org/what-is-the-nordic-model/ I wish more people understood this model as a means of opposing the sex 'trade' and simultaneously trying to uphold women's dignity. Women on OF are responding to a demand, and it's no use just berating the women because they are the ones with their faces on the screen without berating those who create the demand. I find the push to punish women for being part of any sex 'trade' without wanting to at least simultaneously punish the men a very similar scenario to how in certain religious circles it's only ever the woman who has to publicly confess and bear the shame of the group if she gets pregnant out of wedlock. The women always bear the public brunt of the shame and the men fade into the background.
3. “The duty of every man is to uphold the dignity of every woman.” - JPII said this, and I think of it wistfully every time I see a commenter speak badly of women who have made bad choices. Matt Walsh says some right things, but is so swept up in the online-provocateur schtick that he forgets the dignity of those he rails against. Not all the time, but enough times for me not to particularly like his work. I love the story Katie related in another comment about Matt Fradd's response.
Loved this. Reminds me of how many people think the first step to accepting the Gospel is realizing how sinful you are. Lol, no. That not how it works.
Amber Adrian, how so? Are we not to repent with a "broken heart and contrite spirit"?? Christ took on all our muck on that terrible tree. The walk of faith in God and His Son is VERY difficult, a battle every day. Having a broken heart and contrite spirit is a place to begin.
Yes, but it's not the starting point. It's just not how it works, psychologically... we can't begin healing from a place of shame. It's a paradox, but in order to be open to genuine change, we must feel loved as we (currently) are.
Thank you for your reply, Amber. I will still have to respectfully disagree with you and that is OK. None of us are Biblical scholars and truly, the Bible has to be experienced by each of us, as our relationship with God grows and deepens. Having a "broken heart and contrite spirit" is not "shame", to me. It is a sobering realization of how much we desperately need God and His Son and our repentance is a start. Yes, we need to feel loved as we (currently) are and certainly, Christ spent much time with the "undesirables" of Israel. He was also quite blunt about the need to "go and sin no more". That never changes. I respect the differences of our opinions and I appreciate your time. Blessings, Wendy
I wasn’t able to read Walsh’s article behind the paywall but based on this response - the lack of focus to the MEN paying for this is unbelievable. If anything, that should be the focus. I agree that shame isn’t the right approach, but why did his focus seem to be shaming the women, who are in some ways victims, and not the men participating? Crazy and strikes me very much as a “boys will be boys” mentality
I actually posted a note about this this morning. I had concerns about the lack in his piece as well, but upon more reflection, I just have a hard time with the men vs. women thing on this, partly because I work with women in recovery from sexual addiction (and yes, they consume content on OF too). Additionally, there are plenty of men who are victimized by the porn industry as well. It just feels like too big of a beast to gender, if that makes sense.
But, I agree with you, a lot of the "boys will be boys" mentality absolutely exists in these discussions. Both producing and consuming are heinous acts against the dignity of the person, but both can be influenced by trauma. There's a need for healing on all grounds.
Yes! Very good point, men trapped in sex/porn addiction are victims too. We need to remember as women to have mercy and speak of THEIR (men’s’) dignity and “redeemability” too. Both sexes’ behavior on OF is shameful but every person involved is just that, a person.
Although I have had my issues with the content Matt Fradd has put out in recent years, I will always remember attending a talk he gave where a sex worker stood up in the middle to interrupt him and shout him down - saying how she didn't agree with his anti-porn stance and that she was happy with the choices she had made. Her bravado was a thin disguise of course, but Matt treated her incredibly kindly and patiently, ultimately saying "I think at this moment I respect you much more than you respect yourself. I think you're worth more than this." and THAT to me is the right response, the only response - affirming of humanity dignity, again and again, not shame or judgement.
Matt does an excellent job with this, agreed. That's an exemplary response!
Great article, Rachael. I wonder why Walsh (or anyone) seems more intent on shaming the soccer moms performing on OF rather than the soccer dads spending their money on it?
Yep, that was one of my main concerns as well. He does say at one point in the article that men should also be held responsible, but it felt pale compared to the strong language elsewhere.
For the same reason so many men are intent on speaking about women who don't sleep with them as whores and sluts: a deep hatred. This article wasn't and shouldn't be about Walsh as a person. But honestly, the way so many men speak specifically about OF models and women they *think* to be OF models, or women they *accuse* of being OF models comes from a place of deep hatred of women, specifically of women who do things they don't find feminine or womanly or becoming of women.
OF is not good for women at all. But a good litmus test of a man is how he speaks about women who are ""undesireable"" and especially in reference to the men who "use" those ""undesireable"" women.
This seems like an unfair assessment. Given everything I know about Walsh (and I've followed him for more than a decade), I would wager he thinks the men and the women engaging in porn, both its production and its consumption, deserve equal shame.
I’d argue the men consuming it, spending their dollars and time and energy on it deserve more shame than the women who feel it’s a necessary means of living because it pays more than anything else. And the reason it pays more? The gross men who fund it.
"… women who feel it's a necessary means of living because it pays more than anything else."
Yes, men are the primary funders of OnlyFans and its ilk, but note that "necessary means of living" and "pays more than anything else" are essentially contradictory in concept. Implying th
The reality of the situation is that only a very small number of these women actually make a lot of money from selling sex. I'm working from memory, but a year or two ago, I think the average amount earned by onlyfans women was a little over $100/mo. That's hardly a living. A minimum wage fast food job pays that in a single day. Pretending that people actually think this is a necessary means to make a living, rather than that they fall for the propaganda that they can get rich quick selling their body, is not doing anyone any favors.
I'm not here to quibble over who deserves more guilt and shame. Both parties, the men and the women, are engaging in this stuff willingly. Both parties have also been lied to by a sex-obsessed society and told repeatedly that this is a fine thing to do. The men are told that it's natural, and the women are told that it's empowering. It's also obvious to anyone who does their due diligence to inform their conscience of right and wrong that this stuff is no good. That, again, applies to both the men and the women.
Perhaps arguments could be made that one side deserves more shame than the other, but I think the main idea is that both sexes deserve shame or their engagement with pornography, and quite a lot of it.
I have to admit I didn’t know about only fans, DW or any of the particulars (my medieval living under a rock mentality!) but your piece, Rachael, is so true of so many of the behaviors we see so commonly in our society.
No one who knows the worth of their soul, or the price paid for it, would engage in such behaviors. It only ever comes from being deeply wounded and a lack of interior peace.
There is a beautiful story from a long time ago - (I hope I get the details correct, mea culpa if not)
A nun in Italy was drawn into an affair with a local man. She eventually left the convent to be with him, he eventually deserted her but she had become completely addicted to sensual pleasures and lust. After a significant period of time, she realized her mistake and gravity of actions so she snuck back into the convent, donned her habit and went to speak with the Mother Superior.
She couldn’t understand why her fellow nuns were treating her so kindly and with such reverence and respect; she wept and Mother Mary appeared to her and revealed that in the time the sister had been gone, she had taken her place so no one would know of her actions or how far she had fallen. This nun went on to become a saint and Our Lady never shamed her daughter.
This is not to say that shame doesn’t have its place etc etc but the story has always stayed with me. God Bless and Mary keep you, for your work Rachael.
He said “ women like this have ruined their chances to have a good husband “. He lost me there. The whole POINT of Christianity is redemption. That we are ALL sinners. There is never someone too far gone. Women and men alike can have lived a terribly sinful life and still turn it around. And here’s a hard one for some people to swallow - she is no less loved. I pray for her every time she comes up online.
Wow. That article is…something. I will only say this -
“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.”
Amen.
Wonderful article. I recently saw someone share an opinion that we need to return to a “shame based” society and I got instantly nauseated at the idea.
Walsh often has good ideas (we need to get rid of porn, certainly…it is a cancer), but where he often falls flat is his continual lack of mercy and grace.
I’ve seen that idea floating around too… immediate no from me
Shame doesn't work. It only adds to the pain, which only serves to exacerbate the desire for relief. I usually like Walsh's opinions, but he missed the mark on this one. The behaviors are bad, yes. The people are not. They're broken, just like the rest of us. We need to be instruments of healing in their lives, in the ways God calls us to do this work, whether up close or from afar.
Rachael Killackey, marvelous article, thank you! This is truly an awful dark nest of filth that so much of our USA culture in 2025, has embraced. Much of my own Substack is about my stupid adventures of youth in the Sexual Revolution. In other words, TERRIBLE sex, broken hearts, fouled bodies and souls. Matt Walsh is a brave man and confronts a lot of nonsense...but I also agree that shame is not a good solution. From my own sorrowful and visceral experiences from age 18 to 28, with many many sexual partners, the sex was lousy and robbed me of my heart and spirit and to some degree, I am, even a 72, still rebuilding. I never formally married, did not have children (aborted my two in 1973). For however many years I have left, I will speak to the broken-ness in all of us. For me, sex is vastly over-rated and sold as a commodity for both men and women. I prefer celibacy...cool and calm and the fellowship with God and His Son, far exceeds my adventures with the flesh. I do not suggest this for others, it just is a balm to my soul. Also, SELF WORTH is a huge gap for so many of us, self included. That is the remaining journey I am on, until I go Home. Bless you, Wendy
What a sad but great article. One quote that really stood out to me.
"Her brokenness should move us to mercy, pity and prayer, not judgment and satirical jabs."
I couldn't agree more, people caught up in that line of work are already selling their dignity for material wealth. They don't need anyone else taking away what little they have left.
Three thoughts...
1. I don't think shame works either...at least, not the shame that looks like is being advocated here, and certainly not in the direction he's advocating (towards women only).
2. https://nordicmodelnow.org/what-is-the-nordic-model/ I wish more people understood this model as a means of opposing the sex 'trade' and simultaneously trying to uphold women's dignity. Women on OF are responding to a demand, and it's no use just berating the women because they are the ones with their faces on the screen without berating those who create the demand. I find the push to punish women for being part of any sex 'trade' without wanting to at least simultaneously punish the men a very similar scenario to how in certain religious circles it's only ever the woman who has to publicly confess and bear the shame of the group if she gets pregnant out of wedlock. The women always bear the public brunt of the shame and the men fade into the background.
3. “The duty of every man is to uphold the dignity of every woman.” - JPII said this, and I think of it wistfully every time I see a commenter speak badly of women who have made bad choices. Matt Walsh says some right things, but is so swept up in the online-provocateur schtick that he forgets the dignity of those he rails against. Not all the time, but enough times for me not to particularly like his work. I love the story Katie related in another comment about Matt Fradd's response.
to say "the problem is that we as humans just never shamed sex workers enough" is..... just so obscenely false I'm not even sure where to start.
This is such a beautiful response. We have to see the people behind the guilt, the trauma, and the behavior.
I appreciate you arguing for this point!
Yeah Walsh missed the mark with this one. Good article.
Loved this. Reminds me of how many people think the first step to accepting the Gospel is realizing how sinful you are. Lol, no. That not how it works.
Amber Adrian, how so? Are we not to repent with a "broken heart and contrite spirit"?? Christ took on all our muck on that terrible tree. The walk of faith in God and His Son is VERY difficult, a battle every day. Having a broken heart and contrite spirit is a place to begin.
Yes, but it's not the starting point. It's just not how it works, psychologically... we can't begin healing from a place of shame. It's a paradox, but in order to be open to genuine change, we must feel loved as we (currently) are.
Thank you for your reply, Amber. I will still have to respectfully disagree with you and that is OK. None of us are Biblical scholars and truly, the Bible has to be experienced by each of us, as our relationship with God grows and deepens. Having a "broken heart and contrite spirit" is not "shame", to me. It is a sobering realization of how much we desperately need God and His Son and our repentance is a start. Yes, we need to feel loved as we (currently) are and certainly, Christ spent much time with the "undesirables" of Israel. He was also quite blunt about the need to "go and sin no more". That never changes. I respect the differences of our opinions and I appreciate your time. Blessings, Wendy
I wasn’t able to read Walsh’s article behind the paywall but based on this response - the lack of focus to the MEN paying for this is unbelievable. If anything, that should be the focus. I agree that shame isn’t the right approach, but why did his focus seem to be shaming the women, who are in some ways victims, and not the men participating? Crazy and strikes me very much as a “boys will be boys” mentality
I actually posted a note about this this morning. I had concerns about the lack in his piece as well, but upon more reflection, I just have a hard time with the men vs. women thing on this, partly because I work with women in recovery from sexual addiction (and yes, they consume content on OF too). Additionally, there are plenty of men who are victimized by the porn industry as well. It just feels like too big of a beast to gender, if that makes sense.
But, I agree with you, a lot of the "boys will be boys" mentality absolutely exists in these discussions. Both producing and consuming are heinous acts against the dignity of the person, but both can be influenced by trauma. There's a need for healing on all grounds.
What a great point. Thank you for sharing
Thanks for reading!
Yes! Very good point, men trapped in sex/porn addiction are victims too. We need to remember as women to have mercy and speak of THEIR (men’s’) dignity and “redeemability” too. Both sexes’ behavior on OF is shameful but every person involved is just that, a person.